


Archer Smut

by agentkane



Category: Archer (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Multi, Self Insert, Smut, um yeah
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:48:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27428185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agentkane/pseuds/agentkane
Summary: hi i'm kait and cassidy is my self insert character. here's some smut about her and archer and lana. i don't have an explanation as to why this exists other than i am in love with and would die for both of them. thank u.
Relationships: Lana Kane/Original Character(s), Sterling Archer/Lana Kane, Sterling Archer/Lana Kane/Original Character(s), Sterling Archer/Original Character(s)
Kudos: 8





	1. Good Morning (Lana and Archer)

**Author's Note:**

> morning sex aka them being cute asf

"Good morning, sweetheart."

"Good morning, honey."

My eyes met Archer's as soon as I opened them. He gave me a tired smile as I leaned up to kiss him. As I did, Lana pressed her lips to my shoulder, making me sigh in content.

"Good morning Archer, good morning Lana."

"Sleep well, babygirl?" Lana mumbled, leaving a hickey. I whined quietly.

"Yeah... you guys?" Archer hummed in agreement. He tangled one hand in my hair, the other on my lower back. 

"Just fine, baby." I pulled away from Archer to look at Lana, who was smiling not-so-innocently.

"Well aren't you two being affectionate this morning."

"Is that a complaint I hear?" Archer teased. I turned back to him. I shook my head.

"Never. Not about this." Lana's hands ran down my back, all the way down to my butt. "Lana..." She rested her right hand on my very upper thigh. "Lana," I repeated, although I didn't want her to stop.

"Can I touch you, honey?"

"Yes, please." I nodded. She used her thumb, spreading me open. I sighed at the cool air hitting my slit.

"You're still so wet." Her other hand moved from my back, getting replaced with Archer's immediately.

"Not surprising considering what you two do to me," I replied. Lana rand a finger up my slit. I rested my head back on Archer's chest with a sigh. I took a deep breath in. "I'm pissed."

"Why?"

"We had a night like that and you still smell good. I hate you." Archer laughed, quietly, his voice still rough from sleep.

"Yep, screw me, always being perfect even when I just wake up." I looked up at him dumb smirk. I rolled my eyes, going back to my original position. I kissed his skin a couple times. I felt Lana's hand back between my legs.

"Seriously, baby, it would be so easy to just-" She slowly, but surely, pushed two fingers inside me. I moaned, closing my eyes and instinctively grinding against her hand. She let out a small laugh. "You're so easy to please, babygirl."

"You're so good at it," I agreed, meekly. Lana curled her fingers, making me gasp and moan louder. I started grinding again, and suddenly realized something. I opened my eyes again. "Archer."

"What? I'm just supposed to lay here without a boner with you grinding on me and her fingering you?" He raised an eyebrow, actually looking a bit confused.

"I mean, yeah, I guess not." He nodded, looking satisfied.

"Exactly, gorgeous." He gave me a slick smile. I once again rolled my eyes and leaned up to kiss him. Lana started moving faster. I gasped sharply against his lips. I moaned her name again. "Is she doing a good job, sweetheart?" I nodded, shortly, closing my eyes. "Tell her how good she is."

"L-Lana," I started, practically gasping for air. "You're so good. You're amazing. Y-You know exactly how to m-make me c-come." I swore, quietly.

"Is that so?" She asked, sweetly. My stomach tightened and my legs started to shake.

"Mhm." I nodded again. "You make me feel so g-good, you always do, fuck, you always do." I involuntarily closed my legs around her hand.

"Nuh uh, babygirl, I wanna see it when you come." I whined, and tried to do as she said, but she went harder and I couldn't. "Okay, I see. Feeling naughty this morning. Archer, hold her legs open."

"As you wish, princess Lana." I could practically hear her flipping him off. Archer reached down, grabbing my thighs and holding them open. I felt myself tighten around Lana as my whines and moans got more frequent. My legs started to shake again.

"Lana, I'm close."

"That wasn't very long."

"Well, am I just not supposed to be turned on in between the two hottest people I- fuck!" Lana pressed her thumb against my clit, rubbing gently. "Please, please, please, let me come, oh my god, please."

"Archer..."

"Come for us, princess," he whispered in my ear. "Come all over us."

"F-Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

I came undone, my eyes squeezing shut as my body shook. I moaned their names, the only thing I could remember how to say, until I calmed down, taking deep breaths pressed against Archer's chest. "Okay, that after last night, I'm actually not sure if I can move my legs."

"Yeah... me neither." I realized Archer was breathing hard, too. His face was a bit flushed as well. I repositioned myself, feeling something sticky against my stomach.

"I made both of you come just from fingering her?"

"Hey, we both helped." Lana was still smiling proudly. I sat up, my legs either side of Archer. I examined the mess we both made, actually feeling myself ache again at the sight.

"Like what you see, gorgeous?"

"Yeah... I always uh..."

"Always what? Use your words, honey."

"Think it's hot when you come on me... and yourself," I admitted, blushing intensely. Lana giggled, sitting up and kissing my neck.

"You're adorable, babygirl. Let's get you cleaned up."

Lana got off the bed, heading towards the bathroom. Both of us watched until she was out of sight. I looked back down at Archer.

"God, are we lucky to have Lana Kane."

"Yes we fucking are."


	2. Heaven in Hiding (Lana)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lana and cassidy get home from a date <3 (context for a bit later, when they talk about archer: cassidy and archer are kinda in a relationship thing but lana interrupts it) also it kinda just gets right into it lmao

My legs were wrapped around Lana's waist as she lowered me down onto her bed. "Get undressed, okay honey? I've gotta get some things." She kissed my neck then stood up. She walked over to her closet. I pulled off my dress quickly. Before she could grab anything, she reached back and undid her zipper, letting her dress fall gracefully. I tried to keep quiet, but I swore under my breath. She glanced at me and laughed, quietly.

"Like what you see?"

"Ye-Yeah...

Lana was absolutely incredible, and she hadn't even turned around yet. "Lana... you're so pretty." She giggled again.

"Thank you, babygirl."

The new nickname had more of an effect on me than I'd ever admit. She hadn't even done anything and I was so okay with being her babygirl. She bent down to pick something up, then finally faced me again and stepped towards the bed. I barely looked at what it was as I took her in. I must have stared for way too long, because she had to kiss me to get my attention.

"S-Sorry," I whispered. She smiled and kissed me once more. "You're just... wow. You're incredible."

"Not too bad yourself, baby." She pulled away and I finally saw what was on the bed in front of me. My cheeks burned instantly. Laying on the comforter was a leather strap and about five different attachments in different sizes and colors. "I'm assuming you've never had experience with this?" I shook my head.

"I've never even, I mean, I've only had boyfriends and I-" I stopped myself, not wanting to embarrass myself further.

"Cassidy." I gazed up at her. Lana's expression was suddenly serious. "Is this something you're up for?"

I looked over my options on the bed again, then up at her once more. "Yes. Just go easy on me... at first." She smiled warmly.

"You got it, babe. Now, you get to choose."

"I think I want..." I considered my options for a moment. "This one." I pointed to the one to my right. It was black, and not too big, but not very small in any means. Lana smiled. She leaned in to kiss me some more, which quickly turned into making out. She pushed me back against the pillows, getting on top of me. She tugged on my bottom lip, making me whine instantly.

"You're so pretty babygirl," she whispered in my ear. "I can't wait to make you fall apart... I can't wait to fuck you so hard you can't walk for the rest of the weekend. I can't wait to make you come, again and again..." I bit my lip and moaned at her words. She left a hickey just under my ear. "I can't wait to wreck you." Lana ran her hand down my stomach, all the way down past the top of my underwear, down between my legs. She rested her hand there. "Well, I was gonna ask if that sounded good," Lana giggled. "But if you're already wet, I assume you think it does."

"Yeah... shit, that sounds great." Lana ran her middle finger up my slit, making me shiver. "Lana, please, I need you, I need-"

"This?" She suddenly moved the material, slowly pushing one finger in. It didn't stay at that pace, though. She quickly sped up as I started to whine and moan her name. Each time I did she got more and more into it.

"Lana... Lana, oh my- fuck." I bit my lip and leaned my head further into the pillow. She used her other hand on my clit, rubbing in fast circles. I started to shake, gripping the sheets. "I'm going t-to..."

"To come?" She asked, gently, a smile on her face. I nodded, closing my eyes. "Come for me, honey, just for me. Come all over my fingers so you can come on my tongue and my cock-"

I came undone before Lana could finish her sentence, repeating her name over and over again until I needed to breathe. I felt her kiss my cheek before getting up. I took a couple deep breaths, then finally sat up, realizing Lana had already gotten the strap situated. She wasn't wearing her underwear anymore, and I was disappointed that the strap covered everything.

I think Lana noticed me looking. "Don't worry, baby, you'll see it later." She laughed, quietly. She got back on the bed and instantly pressed her lips back on mine. While we were making out again, she reached behind me and unhooked my bra. I let it fall before doing the same to her.

I couldn't help it, and pulled away to look at her. My stomach dropped straight to the floor; Lana was absolutely perfect. I whispered the only thing I remembered how to say, "Lana." She smiled again, pulling me in to kiss me.

This time, I was the one to move away from her lips. I ran my hands down her sides as I kissed down her neck and upper chest. She sighed and I glanced up.

"Keep going, babygirl, I know you want to."

I dragged my bottom lip down to the left as I brought my hands up. I felt both of them in my hands and started to massage gently. I heard Lana moan a bit, and smiled for a second. I circled her nipple before sucking for a couple moments, still playing with her other one. She let out a whine, and I grazed it with my bottom teeth.

"Cassidy..."

"Yes Lana?" I replied, then moved on to the right one.

"You're so pretty," she said, breathily, "and you're so hot, and you're doing so well for me."

"Am I?" Lana tangled one hand in my hair as the other was on my hip. I looked up for a moment. Her eyes were closed and her head was tilted to the side. I smiled to myself, proud of making her feel good.

"Yes... I just wanna fuck you already."

"Then go ahead." Green eyes were open again. She guided me up by my hair to kiss her. I moaned at the slight pain. She broke away.

"Like a little pain, huh?" I nodded. "Take off your panties, baby, and lay over my lap for a minute."

I did as she said, a minute later ending up on her lap. I could feel her strap rubbing against my stomach, causing me to get even more wet than I already was. Lana grabbed one cheek, feeling it in her hand for a moment. She pulled it a bit to the side, and I could feel the cool air on my slit. She laughed, slightly.

"You're practically dripping," she commented, running her thumb up my slit and making me shiver. She didn't say anything for a second. "God, you taste so good, babygirl."

"Th-Thank you, Lana."

"How many do you think you can take?" She ran her hand across my butt again.

"Ten?" I guessed. I hadn't really experimented with this before either.

"Ten it is." Lana leaned down and kissed my back. "Stop me if it's too much," she whispered. "Do you hear me, honey?"

"I do, and I will."

"Good. Now, count."

A half second later, there was a loud smack as Lana brought her hand down on my skin. I moaned immediately, then remembered she told me to count. "O-One."

"Good girl," she rubbed my skin quickly before giving me another spank.

By the time she got to nine, I could barely contain myself. I was on the edge of an orgasm without her even touching me. I knew I was going to come as soon as she-

Another loud smack. My legs shook and I whimpered her name again and again until I calmed down. "Lana, Lana pl-please..." I turned over to lay on my back. "Fuck me, oh my god, I need it so badly, please."

"No need to beg, babygirl." Lana kissed me yet again. I laid back against the pillows again as she kneeled between my legs. She grabbed a small bottle that was laying next to her and squirted some lube into her hand. She applied it to the cock, spreading it up and down, the action being unbelievably hot to me.

Lana held me down with one hand and used the other to line up with me. At an antagonizing pace she pushed into me. "Lana," I moaned, much more loudly than I had anticipated. Once she was all the way in, she stopped for a second. I groaned.

"I need- I can't- please." I squirmed, wanting nothing more than to be destroyed by her.

"Hold on a moment, baby," Lana soothed, now holding my hips with both hands. "You're so beautiful like this, moaning for me and coming without needing me to touch you, begging me to fuck you... just wanna take it in for a minute." Lana pressed her self to me, kissing and biting at my neck as she slowly started to move in and out, not going in any pace I wanted. An idea popped into my head.

"Lana..."

"Yes, honey?"

"Fuck me harder than Archer ever has."

I immediately, finally got what I wanted. Lana held me down, slamming her hips into mine, going faster and harder, as whined and moaned and swore. I gripped her back, eventually scratching it. "Better than he's ever done, right? Deeper than he's ever gone?" I nodded, trying to form any sort of response.

"Yeah, god, fuck! So much better than him," I confirmed, closing my eyes. "So much hotter, so much- just so m-much," I stuttered. "L-Lana, Lana, Lana, you- you're so good. You're so fucking good."

"Yeah? I am, huh?"

"Yes!" Lana brought a hand down and once again started rubbing my clit. "Shit, oh my god- oh god... Lana, I'm so close, Lana, please make me come."

"Don't have to ask me twice." She went even deeper, hitting my g-spot perfectly, over and over. I let out a high pitched whine each time she did.

"I'm going to, I-I- holy- fuck, Lana!" And for a third time that night, I had come harder than I did... ever. She pulled out immediately. I felt myself absolutely ruin Lana's sheets, while repeating her name once again.

This time it took me a few minutes rather than seconds to calm down. I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths. When I opened them, Lana was completely naked, the strap now discarded on the bed. I lost my breath again at the sight.

"Feeling okay, honey?" I nodded again.

"Well, yeah." She smiled, slightly. I finally forgot about how I was feeling for a moment, and wondered how I was going to get Lana off, which was exactly what I wanted to do. I wanted to watch her come so badly. "Lana... can I taste you? Please?"

"Well," She crawled over to me. "Since you asked so nicely, how could I say no?"

"I don't think I can move my legs, if I'm being honest," I giggled, half heartedly. "But I'd be so down if you wanted to ride my face."

"That sounds great, babygirl."

Lana stood on her knees and moved one leg over so she was straddling me. She kept her hold on the headboard as she lowered herself down. I gripped her thighs, appreciating how soft her skin was before beginning to eat her out.

I pressed my nose into her skin as my tongue went deeper. Lana moaned my name, and I quickly got motivated to go rougher and faster. I pulled away for a second to suck on her clit, making her jolt up. She whined and started grinding down against my tongue. I went back to her slit, using one hand to keep pressure on her clit.

"I'm, I'm going to... Cassidy, I'm-"

"Please, come for me," I asked, sweetly. "I want it so bad, Lana, come all over me; I need it."

And with that, her legs shook and she came undone with the mix of my name and 'honey' and 'babygirl.' Lana took a few breaths before moving and settling back down beside me. We didn't talk for a few minutes, just stared at the ceiling and caught our breaths.

"So like... I don't know how good I taste," I looked over at her. "But I am pretty fuckin' sure you taste a hundred times better than I do."

Lana laughed, and kissed my cheek. "Thank you, honey."

"Yeah, anytime, Lana."


End file.
